Memoirs of My Nervous Illness by Daniel Paul Schreber

I must continually or at least at certain times strive to give divine rays the impression of a woman in the height of sexual delight.' Further, Schreber believed that he was being literally 'unmanned' so that God could sexually violate him and conceive a new human race: 'But as soon as I am alone with God. God was also his personal tormentor, in league with Flechsig to commit 'soul-murder' by manipulating his nerves. As Christianity alone could not explain what seemed to be happening to him, Schreber pieced together a complex theology involving a divided God with dark and light incarnations, whose 'rays' and 'nerves' interacted in various ways with humans. In the case of any other human being this would have resulted in natural pus formation with an inevitably fatal outcome but the food pulp could not damage my body because all impure matter in it was soaked up again by the rays. Still, reading this man's prose is a lesson in subjective reality, by turns funny and terrifying. From the start, Schreber struggled to make sense of what he was seeing and hearing, and in fact Memoirs is so lucid and self-aware, so internally consistent and insightful, that he was released on its strength.

Within weeks he was committed, having rapidly descended into madness, and was placed under the care of Dr. Alas, the stress of his new job proved too much for him, and before long he was hearing voices and feeling suicidal.

Schreber, second son (the first committed suicide) of an abusive father, was at the peak of a brilliant career in Leipzig when he was appointed Presiding Judge of the Saxon High Court of Appeals. Daniel Paul Schreber began Memoirs of my Nervous Illness in February 1900 while confined in an asylum, as part of an appeal for release.

Memoirs of My Nervous Illness by Daniel Paul Schreber